I'd Rather Go Blind
by PrincessLeeLee7
Summary: "Through my hazy vision, I saw nothing, but I could hear Jeanette's whimpering, and did I mention that I could hardly see a damn thing? I found it was much easier if I didn't have to see the hurt in her eyes. It killed me too much..."


**Based on the lyrics, "I'd Rather Go Blind" by Etta James.**

"**When I looked down in a glass that I held to my lips, and I saw the reflection of the tears rolling down my face, that's when I loved you, and I couldn't do without you."**

**-Etta James**

~7~7~7~7~

I'd Rather Go Blind

I smiled and trudged through the evening's dinner that the green-eyed splendor had invited me to. It had been two and half years since the both of us had seen each other. I made sure that I would treasure this particular dinner, even though I didn't care too much to be here.

The entire day, I was anxious. I had no idea what I would say to the brunette; the last time I recall seeing her was our Junior prom, and that very night, my brothers and I had a plan to catch a plane to New York, only leaving the girls' faces in our memories. Sure, we called each other every opportunity we received, but as time slowly passed, our calls that used to last 3 hours simplified to two-minute conversations, and over time, we simply stopped calling one another. Because of this, it shocked me that she called me out of the blue.

Boy, once I heard her soft, silky voice, my heart throbbed and finally melted to me feet. My heart occupied my feet for quite some time as she spoke of her many adventures as a sophomore in college, and I spoke of mine only from time to time; I wanted to hear more of her pretty voice flow through my ears, so I kept quiet most of the conversation.

And then the downfall only a best friend with a gorgeous girl as such would dread to hear; there was someone else. Yes, another guy.

Ever since I laid eyes on the klutzy Jeanette, I knew she would – one day – be the one for me. Oh, how I admired the way she styled her hair, leaving just enough bang in front of her grass-green eyes, not to state her smile that enchanted the world. And yes, I'll admit, her vast knowledge… turned me on. And now… she was someone else's. That someone else obviously had done a much better job than I could ever do. But as the conversation about Brett, her new boyfriend stretched on, I only told her how much joy I had for her, when deep inside, I was boiling over with envy. What did I expect, though; for her to not explore the world until I came back from tour? My intentions were to never hold her back from the activities she truly wanted to fulfill, even if one of those activities included finding someone who cared for her.

My insides were burning.

I held in my tears, for Alvin and Theodore were walking pass.

But… I drowned Jeanette with my so-called 'happiness'.

The way she made this Brett person sound was awfully fairytale for me. Too fairytale, if you ask me. Hell, me being the scientific guy I am, everything she told me almost seemed surreal. She mentioned how she was outside of her dormitory, balling her eyes out when he found her; almost whisking her off her feet and into his loving arms. I, without a single doubt in my mind, would have been there for her in her time of need… if I weren't over a thousand miles away. If only I turned down the tour, she'd be mine, but no… I thought of myself and my brothers' well-being. Such a hard choice, especially when I broke the news to her; I never saw her cry so hard. Regret still lingers heavily on my heart.

As our conversation progressed, she mentioned that she wanted to talk over a nice meal at a fine restaurant in town. My heart pleaded "no" but my lips said "yes"… or was it actually the other way around?

So, I guess that's why I'm sitting across from the beautiful Jeanette this evening, watching my food spoil where it sat. She giggled and talked, sipped at her drink, ate her bread stick, and repeated. I could watch her for hours if I wanted to… and I would.

"Simon, you're awfully quiet," she would say every so often, but I gave her the notion that my voice was tired, gripping my neck and speaking in a false raspy voice. She would offer me water, but I would decline.

Then, the one thing I forgot to anticipate; her talking about this Brett character.

She went on and on about how intelligent he was, and how he loved to play football for the university. I tried my best not to snarl at her dreamlike comments of the bastard, but it was struggle. I cracked my smile and nodded at everything she said.

"And here!" she spat excitedly as she handed me a slip of paper.

I flipped it over to find a picture of the two hugged up against an oak tree, and finally, my heart shattered; it was true, it was reality… she found that missing piece of her puzzle I wished more than anything to be a part of.

"This is nice," I complimented genuinely; not the picture as a whole, but only her, her broad smile putting a smile even on my sour face at the moment. "You look gorgeous as ever," I told her.

She blushed heavily at this as she lifted her elegant glass between her fingers. "So, what do you think of him? Is he okay?"

Of course he's not okay! He's far from okay! He's horrible, and it shouldn't be him holding you like this, it should be me!

"He's wonderful," I replied modestly, taking my glass in my hand as well.

For a quick moment, I sensed a disappointing look upon Jeanette's face as she sighed soundlessly. Was that not what she wanted to hear?

"Are you okay?" I asked, resting a gentle hand upon her slightly quivering hand.

"Yeah," she replied, but I couldn't detect the vibrancy in her voice like I heard before. Was it something I said?

"You're probably wondering why I wanted you here," she began abruptly, her eyes perked and wide. "I-I-I know this would sound extremely silly, but… in a way, I-I-I kinda wanted your approval… about Brett that is…"

At first, I presumed that I misheard Jeanette, but I heard correctly, a little stunned, you could say. My approval? I couldn't even begin to guess why!

"So… you say he's okay?"

"He's more than okay. He's amazing for you…"

The hint of disappointment appeared on her face once more, which prompts me to ask her what the matter was.

"Is that not what you want me to say?" I asked quietly.

"No, it's fine. That's exactly… what, I wanted, to hear…"

Her speech was broken; she was lying to me, but I kept my knowledge to myself.

"Well, I want to make a toast… to you, Simon."

I slightly smiled with question and a chuckle. Why me, of all people?

"You've been there," she began soothingly, "through the roughest times, through the greatest of times, and our silliest moments, I'm proud to say you're a significant person in my life… and I never want to lose you… To you, Simon Seville…"

She further held her glass up, and I followed, tapping it lightly and bringing back to me, sipping it slowly. As I sipped, I suddenly felt the moist drops on my cheeks… my tears. This was it; this Brett character made her happy, so therefore, there was nothing I could do but watch as their futures unraveled.

As I sipped, I gazed into the reflection in my glass, seeing the tears roll down my face without mercy. That's when I knew… I loved her, and I couldn't stand the fact knowing I would be without her in my life.

Midway through a sip, she gazed at me, her eyes filled with question and hurt. "Simon, why are you crying? Please tell me why?"

I couldn't hold in my true feelings any longer. I sat up in my seat… and took off my glasses and placed them delicately on the table. With me being legally blind, I could only make out Jeanette as a fuzzy ball of female. "Jeanette… it's obvious that you're crazy about Brett. I know that. But… it kills me to know that-" I paused, becoming choked by my own cries. "I just wish it were me and you…"

Jeanette's air-filled gasp rang through my ears. I could barely see the expression on her face, but I knew it was filled with shock.

Suddenly, her cell phone vibrated fervently against the table. She gazed at the text, growing silent for a second. "It's Brett. He's back at the dorm waiting for me…"

I bit my lip to control my cries. It was actually happening, my worst nightmare. Jeanette, my friend, my dream, my first crush, my first valentine, and my science partner since first grade, was leaving my life. I could feel the rope between us breaking.

I had taken off my glasses for a reason. "Jeanette," I began with a large swallow. "I think if you leave right now to see Brett, and I don't put my glasses back on, maybe it'll ease the pain, since I can hardly see you…"

"What do you mean, Si?"

"Jean… I'd give what's left of my sight if I have to see you walk away from me tonight…"

Through my hazy vision, I saw nothing, but I could hear Jeanette's whimpering, and did I mention that I could hardly see a damn thing? I found it was much easier if I didn't have to see the hurt in her eyes.

"Jeanette… I'd rather go blind than to see you walk away from me…"

"Simon," I heard sharply, my hearing attention high. "I just wish you would have said… that Brett was not right for me. This was the whole point of the dinner," she explained calmly.

My face scrunched in confusion. Hope began to build in me. "Jean-"

"Simon, I don't want Brett!" she yelped suddenly, startling me quite a bit. "I want the man sitting right in front of me!"

I plunged further in the pool of confusion. I must say, Jeanette did have a tendency of confusing the hell out of me.

"I planned this dinner in hopes that if I made Brett seem like this heroine, you would contradict me, and I would agree, because I don't want to be with him! I have too many feelings for you to just run off with some football star, Simon!"

My confusion slowly cleared as Jeanette continued on;

"And maybe after I agreed that he isn't what he's cracked up to be, we would gaze into each other's eyes, and tell each other how much we're meant for one another, and that-"

Stopping her in her tracks, I reached a hand up from my lap, searching for her face. I caressed her smooth arm and trailed my fingertips lightly up her shoulder until I found her chin. Nothing holding me back, now, I was going for her; something I wanted to do the moment I laid eyes on her the day we met.

I picked myself up from my chair, and planted my lips against her sweet ones, embracing the moment I have waited patiently for.

After what seemed to be a lifetime, I pulled away, and as close as I was to her, I saw her eyes, and something in them caught my attention; a new emotion, perhaps.

"Simon," she began as she too, slipped off her glasses, resting them next to mine. "I'd rather be a blind girl than to watch you leave."

There came a long silence lingering around us until she parted her sweet lips, and uttered, "I love you, baby…"

I blessed myself with her lips against mine, and repeated the words back to her, followed by, "Don't walk away from me, because then… I'll have to go blind…"

****I hope you guys enjoyed! I was studying for my finals, and this idea came to me out of nowhere! And feel free to check out the original song "I'd Rather Go Blind" by Etta James on YouTube!****


End file.
